In recent months I have found myself the go to person for heartbreak advice for a few of my loveliest friends. Maybe because I have had my fair share of ‘interesting’ boyfriends, or maybe because my friends know I am the one they will get the most brutally honest advice from. Either way, it got me thinking back to when I have been in turmoil relationships, blinded by love and as a result, completely and utterly heartbroken when it didn’t all go quite to plan.
I have always been a strong believer in a fairytale ending, but I also know that they can come in all shapes and sizes. So this blog isn’t about finding your tall, dark and handsome Prince Charming, it is about learning to realise that not every frog turns into a Prince no matter how many times you kiss them.
I was in a pretty shitty relationship when I was quite a bit younger than I am now, blinded by love, lust and infatuation. But the reality was, we weren’t right for each other, the love we had was toxic and it was never going to work. However, would I believe anyone when they told me this? Would I heck. I had to realise on my own.
But one day, after yet another slanging match that left me crying, bruised and wondering where Mr Prince Charming was, I got to thinking. I started to realise that as cracks were appearing in my relationship and my fragile heart, they would never go away as long as we were together, they would just get deeper and more frequent.
I started to liken it to a vase. If you break a vase you can always pick up the pieces and glue it back together, but the cracks don’t disappear, you just hide them. You might not be able to see them anymore but they still make the vase more fragile. The next time you drop it, it will break even more easily. You can pick it up, glue it back together again, but as before, the cracks are still there. Until eventually the vase won’t be able to be fixed.
So what happens then? You need to buy a new one. This made me realise that it doesn’t matter how many times you try and fix the relationship or mend the broken heart, the only real way to fix a vase is to just take all the pieces, lovingly wrap them up, throw them out and get a brand new one.
And as I have grown older, fallen in and out of love and finally found my Prince Charming this has still rung true with me. Sometimes no matter how much you love someone, it just isn’t enough and if you don’t wake every morning feeling like the luckiest lady on earth, it might be time to let it go. And don’t get me wrong, nobody is perfect, everyone has their flaws, but if you can’t learn to love those flaws then they probably aren’t worth loving.
I wish I had realised all of this when I was 19, crying in nightclubs, having slanging matches in the street and writing ridiculous status’ on Facebook – come on we have all been there and thanks to the cringe reminders on Facebook memories we are now kindly reminded every week – so I thought I would share the little bit of love advice that put it all in perspective for me.
So if you are thinking that things might not be quite right or you are struggling to move on from a tricky breakup. Take a step back and think, is it time to get a new vase?
Ten things I wish I could have told my teenage heartbroken self
- The crippling physical pain you feel is totally normal
- Not everyone will understand
- The only person who can stop the pain is not the one who caused it
- Cut all contact!
- Time really is a healer
- Keep yourself busy
- A makeover is not always a good idea
- Hide your relationship status before you break up
- The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else!
- You will look back, learn from the love, the heartbreak, the arguments and you will 100% find love again!