So now I am feeling a little more like a human (whilst growing a human) I feel like it’s time to get my blogging mojo back. I have been really struggling over the Summer to get motivation for anything, let alone trying to keep up with the blogosphere. But now we are into my favourite time of year and I am getting back into the swing of normal life, I thought it was about time I got myself back in front of a laptop.
As you may have realised by now, I am pregnant. 18 weeks + 3 to be exact and boy did the first trimester suck! I feel majorly guilty saying that, but it did. Of course the fact that you realise women are actually walking miracles who have the ability to grow tiny little humans inside their bellies is pretty amazing, but all the other shit that comes with it, well that just sucks.
So, here it is, my honest and probably TMI review of the first trimester. I am sure many of you have experienced all of this, some of you will have had it a whole ton worse. And to those wonderful ladies who have idyllic pregnancies and get the glow from start to finish, I salute you – you are the luckiest women around, but please don’t let me know how amazing your pregnancy was. I hate you right now.
Our little secret
I was just four weeks pregnant when we found out and as exciting and amazing as that was, it means you have a whole lot of time to keep your mouth shut. There is so much ‘tradition’ around keeping your pregnancy a secret until the 12 week scan that we decided to only tell close friends and family. The way I thought about it was that I would tell everyone I would tell if something sad happened. But on top of that I did find myself telling my eyelash lady, my nail technician, the postman, florist and to be honest every other stranger that would listen. I just couldn’t help myself, it’s like keeping a huge bubble of excitement inside for weeks and you feel like you are going to burst. So if you find yourself telling the world before you ‘are meant to’ who cares! Do what’s right for you. And enjoy the moment, because by the time three months comes around you only have 2/3rds of the pregnancy left to enjoy.
The ‘morning’ sickness
Morning my ass! Morning, noon and night more like. For me it was more the constant nausea that I struggled with most and the fact that I no longer wanted to partake in my favourite past time, eating! It is the strangest adjustment I have had to make so far, learning how to manage the constant feeling of wanting to throw up and not eat anything that was put in front of me. Or puking so hard into the toilet that the splash back covers your entire face – yep, that’s how shit it got. But I learnt fairly quickly to just eat whenever and whatever my body craved. For me, that was salt and vinegar chipsticks – sometimes at 9am. Random, but true. Beige food was a god send and small amounts of it at any time of day was the way forward.
Anyone else also feel that their nausea was worse when they went to bed? It was the strangest thing. I would have spent the whole day getting myself to a good place and as soon as my head hit the pillow the sick feeling would just completely take over. Deep breathing and a fan to the face helped, but not much else.
I quickly found out that morning sickness didn’t just mean nausea and physically puking. It also meant the other kind of upset stomach. All I will say on this one ladies is make sure you know where the toilets are when out in public, sometimes you just gotta make a run for it!
Fatigue and lots of it! I mean the desire to sleep was not new to me, I can sleep anywhere at anytime. Just let me close my eyes and I am off. But I have never experienced tiredness on this level before. It really hit home to me whilst on a train home from a meeting in London and I physically couldn’t keep my eyes open. When I got to the station I wandered like a zombie back to my car and had to blast my face with aircon before I felt semi safe to make the drive home. So don’t be ashamed to take a nap whenever you need it, at the end of the day your body is working overtime to create a teeny tiny human – that’s not an easy job.
Are absolutely f*!$@d! I have only had one breakdown so far so I am sure there are plenty more to come, but the feelings I really struggled with at the start were the ones I couldn’t relate to at all. I am a very happy person, not a huge amount fazes me and I tend to just get on with stuff, but when I hit about week six I felt like I was no longer myself. I felt absolutely numb. Not sad, not excited or happy, not annoyed or angry, just nothing. It was quite a scary feeling and the only way I was able to describe it to others was like I was no longer in my own body. And I felt guilty, so guilty – like I should have been absolutely over the moon happy that I was going through this, but I couldn’t feel like that and I didn’t know why. Those feelings passed after a couple of weeks so I feel really thankful for that, but it dawned on me the importance of sharing this kind of stuff. For some women that feeling might not pass and it’s important to be able to talk to someone about it. You won’t be alone and I am 100% sure it's absolutely normal to feel like this when your hormones are all over the place – no one is going to judge.
Let’s talk tits
By week seven I was up two bra sizes and £100 down trying to find comfortable ways to house them. Jesus Christ, nobody tells you just how quickly they get big and how much they feel like they might explode. Your nipples get huge, are hard constantly and itch like a bitch. For those of you with smaller assets, get ready for the freebie boob job and if you were already blessed in that area, well good luck. This M&S bra has been a lifesaver - it’s by no means a come to bed bra, but it feels like a little cloud on your already super heavy bosoms. Bravissimo also have some good ones, they are a little more pricey, but I would highly recommend this one.
Wearing your wardrobe
I have really struggled to dress my changing body and that again has been a hard thing for me. I love clothes and I love dressing up, but when you are self-conscious, wearing a hammock for a bra and not quite bumpy enough yet to fit in maternity wear, it can be hard. My advice here would be to just wear what makes you feel good. Whether good for you means it makes you feel sassy, or it’s just super comfy, embrace it. I have been living in leggings from Matalan as they have a ton of styles that are a bit nicer than plain ones and they have a waistband that sits perfectly on a little growing bump. Another great staple for the pregnancy wardrobe are some stretchy vests (but make sure you get the ones with the bigger straps so you can hide your pregnancy bras), my favourites are H&M basics and they are fairly cheap. The oversized shirt is another current favourite, you can buy so many different styles, they can look effortlessly chic worn undone and they also keep you cool (pregnancy can be a very warm affair!)
So have I loved it?
No! All in all pregnancy hasn’t been that fun for me as of yet, but everyone is different and I am starting to learn that more and more. And when you rub your hand over your little belly and realise you have a little person in there, it does make it slightly more bearable. And don’t forget that being pregnant is such a personal experience and everyone enjoys it, or hates it differently. Do whatever you need to do to get through and don’t be ashamed to play the pregnancy card. You only have nine months until your little human is going to rule your entire life, so you may as well enjoy the pampering whilst you can (well that’s what I am telling myself anyway!)
If you want to keep up to date with my bubba journey or share handy tips and tricks (always welcome!) then I have also made an instagram account @mamaspinkdot and would love to return a follow.
Big love baby mamas!